Creative Submission

After more than forty years of pre-marital counseling I have come to believe that Ephesians 5:21 could well be the most over-looked verse in the entire Bible. Translations which include helpful headings often divide it from the section on wives and husbands.  Others, which indicate paragraph divisions that were not in the original manuscripts, do the same by starting a new paragraph at verse 22. 
    Instead of overlooking verse 21 we need to make it the foundation for a walk-on-the- water dare.  DARE to enter into a husband-wife relationship scripturally based on mutual submission. 
    To some the word submit conjures up images of burly men in wife-beater t-shirts, black-robed Puritans burning innocent women at the stake, or hairy cavemen dragging girls through the dirt by their hair.  A woman being asked to submit to a man in the liberated culture of the twenty-first century ranks near the top of the “idiocy from which we have been rescued” spectrum in the minds of many.
    To others, the Ephesians 5:22 command for wives to “submit to your husbands” forms the biblical basis justifying every ridiculous restriction a man chooses to enforce on a woman simply because she agreed to the bonds of matrimony.  For such a man those bonds can become iron-clad manacles, the key which he hangs from his leather belt.  His position as “head” presumably carries with it authority over when she cuts her hair, what she wears to church, what time she serves him meals, how low she bows when he enters the room and how she spends the pittance he generously grants her each week.  Both of those positions completely miss the mark of biblical intention.
    Enter the amazingly gracious, merciful and loving concept of mutual submission.  Add to that a willing submission, not out of fear or a desire to control, but instead chosen by both husband and wife for the purpose of showing “reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21).
    DARE to choose a marriage relationship based on mutual submission. 
1.    Husband—submit to your wife.
    Submit your love.  Assure her through word and action of your undying devotion.
Submit your income.  Come to mutual agreement about money matters.
Submit your spirit.  Make it easy for her to grow spiritually.
Submit your emotions.  Reveal to her how you feel inside.
Submit your time.  Consult with her about all plans rather than announcing them.
Submit your intimacy.  Learn what she likes and please her before you please yourself.
Submit your dreams.  Be more concerned about fulfilling her dreams and visions for the future than you are about achieving your own success story.
Submit your friendship.  Work hard to become her very best friend and confidant.
Submit your interests.  Develop a genuine desire to know and share her interests.
2.    Wife—submit to your husband.
Submit your respect.  Honor him for his godly submission to you in love.
Submit your tongue.  Speak words which encourage and build up his confidence.
Submit your beauty.  Make him the continual object of your flirtations.
Submit your mind.  Learn how he thinks and enjoy the process of sharing the path to decision-making with him.
Submit your vision.  Work to accept the way God has made him rather than clinging to a vision of what you thought he would become.
Submit your power.  Seek for mutual understanding rather than manipulation.
Submit your spirit.  Make it easy for him to grow spiritually.
Submit your desires.  Accept his desires and rejoice in his desire for you.
Submit your fears.  Learn to trust one who has determined to love you “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
Would it be hard to submit to someone who was submitting to you in such a fashion?  DARE to soothe the troubled waters of matrimony through mutual submission, walking on the water together with Jesus Christ Himself.

Excerpted from "Dare to Walk on Water: Serving God" chapter eight.  The entire "Dare to Walk on Water" series can be ordered from Amazon.com.